Test One

1) Drawing with my left hand.

It proved to sound a lot harder than it actually was. Very soon after being diagnosed, with Aspergers, I was told to draw with my non dominant hand, meaning for me...my left. It took me about two days until I was actually able to sit down and try. My mind was scared. But I had a large drawing pad in front of me and was told to use a maker, a wide tip makes it much easier. I had markers around, but being me I used a pen my first go round. I always do things like that, challenge myself in my head and take the hard route because I know I can. 

So off I went pen in hand. And before I knew it I had a flower, a butterfly, and some stars decorating the once plain page before me. Not only was the page decorated but it was done well. I started to think I may have always been left handed. My writing was straighter with the left and it felt natural. My Father is left handed.

I began to explore more. I couldn't stop drawing with my left hand...I became like a machine, three hours later I had about five pages of "artwork". My left hand and arm felt fine, but I had to stop because I felt my brain 'hurting'. It wasn't necessarily painful but I was horribly aware of certain parts of my brain. Parts that I seemed to have turned off from.

I stepped outside and the green of the trees was greener than I could remember, and I felt much more affection towards my dogs than I had in quite some time. I am not sure if it was all the drawing with my left hand, or just the drawing in general. Since that Saturday of drawing I have been so artistic...I almost cant stop, much like how I was as a child. Always creating always thinking.

Much like other people I always worry too much what others think of me. And although most people strive to be smart; I found myself suppressing my brain. I wanted to fit in, I wanted everyone to like me and find me funny. So slowly over the past 10-15 years I have pushed myself to be quiet, not just with my mouth but with my mind. Quiet in the sense that I don't always say the words going through my mind, or I wouldn't answer with the witty thought in my head because I worried no one would get it. I didn't cultivate my brain in hopes that maybe I would be more acceptable.

If I have learned anything over the past few weeks its that I need to cultivate what my gifts are, and that nothing is wrong with me. And surprisingly enough I DON'T have learning differences, I just think and do things differently.

This journey without a doubt will teach me more than I could have ever expected. Each day feels like a lifetime full of knowledge but I only crave more. I want to understand to the best of my ability what I have and help others who have been in the dark for as long if not longer than I have.

Year 27, the year Sarah met the real Sarah.